@g…..ia: I need an instruction manual “How To Not Be So Fucking Annoying”
↶ @cliffordgenece: Talk less to people who don’t appreciate you
Seems simple. People who love and appreciate you don’t get tired of you—maybe? Or they do and tell you upfront, and you agree, and you go on timeout.
A long time ago, I accepted that I can only take certain personality types in doses. Instead of them going on timeout, I take the initiative and put myself on timeout.
I think about how annoying I used to be—it was due to me being excessively pedantic and sarcastic. I also have a strong personality at times, and some people get offended when you combine those three during conversations. I was always talking (Did you know that... ?) and pointing (“Look at him over there”) and questioning (“Who told you that makes sense?”) and correcting (“Na, that’s wrong.”) and sarcasticing (“That’s a great idea, tell me more.”). My brain was always on fire and I just had to talk my shit. I saw their faces wench, their eyes roll, and their eyes bulge, but I didn’t care. I cared about myself and self-expression.
Alone But Never Lonely
Part of me considers it was possibly due to a feeling of being “alone.” I didn’t fit into any group 100 percent. I was effortlessly fluid, friendly, and accepted by everyone—but no one group was truly home. My only response was to be myself and keep doing that until I found a group where “myself” fit completely.
As the years went by and I found more select people I could relate to, it became the game of knowing who to have specific conversations with. When you talk the language of your audience, they’re all too willing to stay engaged and talk as long as needed. But once you bring up a subject they don’t care about, you face backlash and become “annoying” (imagine going to a Trump rally and bringing up “Black Lives Matter; no one’s trying to hear that shit).
I ended up learning to talk less and less to everyone as a whole versus more and more to people who mattered to me and my interests. There are friends I can text every day and have conversations about everything and anything going on in life, and we will never annoy each other because we respect the genuine role we play in each other’s life. Then there are friends who I do a 10-minute text catch-up, and won’t reach out to or hear from for months. No hard feelings, no disinterest, and no lessened love—that’s just what it is.
Say More By Talking Less
I learned that appreciation is about valuing another person’s existence as they are, but also understanding your role in their life. Some relationships are based on open communication channels. There's a mutual understanding that each other’s opinions matter, whether 4 am or 4 pm. Random thoughts challenge each other. They invoke the capacity to imagine and grow, not only individually, but in your social contract. Their well-being excites you. Their success is your vicarious success.
These are rare people. These are the people who will put up with you through it all. These are the people who you’ll be sitting next to in a rocking chair when you’re eighty years old, drinking a beer, smoking a bowl, and talking about how bad kids are these days and how back in your day. These people who appreciate you, whether daily or monthly, are the ones who define love. And that’s what relationships are all about. Right?
Annoying vs. So Fucking Annoying
So talk. Talk as much as you want until your throat is sore. I sometimes tell stories that last a half-hour without taking a break. I can do that because my audience allows me. I know them, and they know me. I appreciate them, and they appreciate me. No annoyance, just good energy.
You can’t control being annoying, per se. Annoyance can be a moment that just arrives out of the blue—a first-time offense. But being “so fucking annoying” means you’re habitually annoying to someone. You're a repeat offender. A habitual line stepper. It means you have traits and characteristics that they don’t enjoy and that there is a build-up of disdain toward you. But you know all this already.
Body language, along with short, non-related and negative responses to what you say and do, show how people feel about you. Being self-aware allows you to see their reactions and process them properly to learn your audience. And the more you’re aware of your audience, the more you can own the responsibility of who you talk to, how often you talk to them, and what topics to discuss.
Being told you’re “so fucking annoying” invalidates who you are at the moment. It’s something that should have ended in High School. No one’s forcing you to stay around each other. So when you find an audience that isn’t perceptive, talk less to them and minimize the possibility of being habitually annoying. Go where you're wanted.
